April 2005 Archives

NIDS to you

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Dr Goldberg's website is at http://neuroimmunedr.com and contains an essay about CFS.

On September 11th 1998, pediatrician Dr Michael Goldberg came to the Royal North Shore Hospital to speak about his experiences and ideas about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and its connection with Attention Deficit Disorder and Autism, his proposal for a name change, and to discuss his treatment regime.

What started Dr Goldberg's interest in CFS was that in the early 1980s his wife became ill. She suffered from cognitive dysfunction, short term memory loss, decreased processing ability, and abnormal sleep patterns. She had high Epstein-Barr Virus titers, with a cranked up immune system. Then he started having children coming into his practice with similar symptoms, who would "conk out" at around 3pm.

CFS has only been labelled in the last 16 years and only been accepted as physiological or "real" very recently. Dr Goldberg suggests that many illnesses now labelled "psychological" may in fact have an physiological basis. In the last 15-20 years, the medical profession has considered schizophrenia, Alzheimer's syndrome, and various other "mental" disorders as autoimmune mediated physiological illnesses.

The SPECT scan is Dr Goldberg's smoking gun of the physiological nature of CFS , the fact that temporal lobe dysfuction is at the heart of the illness and is central to his argument for a link between CFS, autism and Attention Deficit disorder. A Single Photon Emission Computer Tomography (SPECT) scan of the brain shows the pattern of blood flowing in a living brain.

CFS patients show abnormal SPECT brain scans. The scans reveal a dimunition of blood flow - hypoperfusion - in the temporal lobe, occipital parietal lobes, and the cerebellum. He sees a scalloping and thinning in some cases, and abnormal brain waves. Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) and X-ray Computer Tomography scans (3D x-ray CT scans) appear normal for most CFS patients.

The left temporal lobe is involved with auditory processing and language, so naturally a decreased left temporal lobe function will result in sound sensitivity and language problems. The right temporal lobe is involved with social skills. The temporal lobes also regulate and coordinate the frontal lobes of the brain.

Dr Goldberg believes there is an overlap of symptoms and findings connecting autism, Attention Deficit Disorder, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. He believes they are the same phenomena, striking the brain at different stages of development. Simply put, immature brains get autism, young brains get ADD and adult brains get CFS. Unfortunately this hypothesis doesn't appear to take into account childhood CFS that isn't ADD.

Dr Goldberg suggests that CFS and all these illnesses should be renamed "Neuro-Immune Dysufuction Syndrome" - NIDS. Dr Goldberg observes that "Austistic Syndrome" and CFIDS and the other NIDS all involve a "thinning of the brain". How your brain adjusts to the physiological changes and therefore what symptoms you will suffer then largely depend at what age this illness strikes. During his talk, Dr Goldberg illustrated his points with many SPECT scans, which correlated with the problems the patients had, and which also reflected the improvements the patients made when their symptoms improved.

In 50%-70% of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) cases, it continues to present problems past adolescence. This has only been recognized in the medical literature in the past fifteen years.

Previously, in the 1960s and 1970s ADD kids were described as very bright but hyperactive children, who if you could only get them to sit still in their seat, would perform brilliantly. Children labelled with ADD from the 1980s to the present are described as presenting with meta-cognitive deficits, problems accessing information, using developmental assessment, they now consider that they are looking at a large number of learning disabled children who have speech and language difficulties, deficits in cognitive and perceptual thought, including "temporal lobe sequencing deficits", discretional disorientation and visual perception difficulties, deficits in intersensory integration, clumsiness. These problems were never associated with ADD in the past, but they are frequently discussed in the world of CFS and autism.

Previously autism was thought to be a rare and devastating handicap that affects 2 in 10 000. Now, from the 1980s onward, it is found that many kids don't fit this profile very well, but have been classified that way for convenience.

All these illnesses are linked to an immune disregulatory phenomenon. Whether caused by a virus or a genetic predisposition, or environmental changes. Commonly there is a family history of migraines, eczema, hay fever, asthma and other autoimmune disorders. He has seen dozens of families where the mother or father has CFS, an older child with ADD, and a younger child or two with autism/PDD. This was unheard of in medical discussions 20 or 30 years ago. There is a predictive pattern of allergies, sinusitis, pharyngitis, bronchitis, and recurrent minor illnesses.

At UCLA Dr Goldberg saw autistic children with immune related symptoms which were regarded as unimportant "epiphenomena". He hypothesized that if you do the cause of CFS to a young developing brain, then you get autism, the "young version of CFS". Austistic children also have hypoperfusion in the temporal lobes showing on SPECT scans. He suggests that if the brain "misses" certain stages of development, at some point, it may never make up for that fully. He hypothesizes that "quiet ADD" is actually misdiagnosed CFS.

Dr Goldberg's hypothesis is that all these illnesses are a result of temporal lobe dysfunction. Therefore they should be labled as Neuro-immune dysfunction syndromes - NIDS.

"Neuro-immune" is the new buzzword in the US National Institute of Health, and its now being applied to Touret's syndrome, and obsessive-compulsive behaviour. The press have jumped onto the environmental illness bandwagon. Interest in HIV has finally led to interest in the workings of the immune system, and all of this should help with CFS. Ultimately, the tools that regulate HIV may help regulate CFS.

The trouble is, without controlled trials based on definable markers, everyone disputes everything that is being published. This is the basis of the loudest criticism of Dr Goldberg's work on CFS, and why many CFS specialists won't act on his findings. Dr Goldberg wants to see urgent controlled trials, definable markers and recognition of the illness by neurologists.

Dr Goldberg has seen the symptoms of a "turned on" immune system in allergic reactions to a food allergy screen where all results were shifted to the right of the table. That is, even where there were no allergies, there were increased immune responses, so that the table looked normal, but shifted to the right, towards an increased allegic reaction.

Dr Goldberg says what he observes are not classic allergies, but "triggers", and warns against milk, dairy products, chocolate, whole grains and whole wheat. He hypothesizes that the various immune abnormalities are from a metabolic abnormality, which in turn has led to an immune problem and mitochondrial dysfuction.

Other physiological evidence he has seen is that red blood cells from people with CFS don't separate in serum they way they do in people without NIDS.

Dr Goldberg had several suggestions, from his practice, of ways to improve cognition. He suggests modified elimination diets, antifungal therapies, and antiviral/immune active therapies.

"Healthy" foods from health food shops may be a large part of the problem he says, and we should avoid health food shops. If people with CFS take this advice, the health food industry will lose large amounts of money! Gastro-intestinal immune problems are a result of "health food" consumption he says. He encourages patients to go back to basics and eat proteins, vegetables and low carbohydrates, and not go to the health food shops for alternatives. For the diet he suggests that safe fruits include pears, peaches, apples and bannanas. Fish and pork may be triggers, but red meat otherwise should be safe. The amino acids in health food stores are NOT pharmaceutical grade, and therefore are of little use in treatment. Dr Goldberg recommends keeping kids away from allergenic food for the first three years of live to avoid triggering NIDS symptoms in genetically susceptible families.

Dr Goldberg says that kutapressin, a drug made from pig's liver, is an extremely effective treatment for CFS cognitive problems. It was licensed in the late 1940s for cold sores, shingles and other herpes viruses. It was licensed to treat acne and other chronic viricological inflammations. Kutapressin is an enzyme that chops every herpes viruses into little pieces. Patients who have tried it say that it felt like "somebody threw a light switch". Kutapressin is extremely safe except in cases of allergy. Allergy is tested for by a skin test before treatment. Kutapressin is given by intramuscular injection in the thigh or buttocks. Due to the fact that the patents have run out, it is unlikely more commercial research will be performed with kutapressin. However in his practice it has made an enormous difference to the blood flow in the brain as displayed on a SPECT scan. In fact after treatment the SPECT scan shows normal blood flow. It is not a panacea for CFS, but a very valuable tool, that could point the way to better tools.

For anti-viral treatment, valtrax, zovirax, acyclovir are safe in the long term, and their use is suggested by high IgG levels. They attack the herpes viruses Cytomegalovirus and Epstein Barr virus which cause glandular fever. Valtrax is the cheaper and more effective drug. Valtrax and zovirax are safe for children with CFS, and he has given them to children in his practice. "They brightened up, became more functional and more tuned in." He found that these were safe medicines for them, and that they improved their symptoms while on the drugs and were worse when taken off them. He says that photophobia is a marker of a viral infection.

If your doctor gives you a choice of antibiotics, then erythromycin is the one he recommends you choose, as instead of killing bacteria and thus releasing their toxic load into the body, it simply paralyses the bacteria, allowing the body to flush them out safely and cleanly.

He treats patients for yeast infections after a liver function test with nyseral or dyflucan, and that there is no test for yeast overgrowth. The kill-off of yeast leads to an achiness, and headaches which last for two weeks before the patient feels better. Lamasal is a new long term treatment. Amphoterosyn B is safe in the long term when its taken orally as its not absorbed by the gut, whereas intravenously it is toxic.

SSRI (Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) such as prozac, paxil, zoloft, at very low dosage are recommended from his work on the temporal lobe to help with sleep problems.

Dr Goldberg worries that in cases where there is a low blood perfusion in the brain of NIDS patients, that there will be a slow loss of brain cells by slow starvation of blood.

Dr Goldberg believes that NIDS occurs in people who have inherited a genetic susceptibility, and that these genes run in higher IQ families, which is why it was first observed as "yuppie flu". After all, what are yuppies? They are university educated, intelligent, bright people. He believes there is a "higher evolutionary connection". Human evolution has been led by the fact that humans have been breeding for success in society, success which requires higher cognition - which means higher brain function. Selecting for successful high IQ as he believes humans have been doing for millenia, has led to more immune sensitive individuals.

A virus such as the common cold does not infect your brain, but makes you feel spacey, tired and your body will ache due to the cytokines and interlukins that your immune system produces that do get into your brain. Dr Goldberg hypothesizes that during times of stress, trauma, and infection, the immune system has evolved to protect the brain by slowing down the flow of infected blood to the brain. However, when this protective mechanism does not switch off after a week, but continues on, then you end up with the symptoms typical of CFS.

This extends my famous "PWC Master Race Theory". Briefly, People With CFS (PWC) learn many tricks to cope with symptoms of muscle weakness, clumsiness, exhaustion, memory and concentration problems, lack of endurance, pain, and so on. You need an unusually flexible mind to be able to cope. When cured of CFS, people with these tricks - these methods of making more of a reduced brain and body - will be able to apply these coping techniques to a healthy brain and body and thus will be superior human beings. Naturally we will take over the world. I did not explain this to Dr Goldberg, no sense in scaring the poor fellow.

Neuro-Immune Dysfuction Sydnrome is the most descriptive of all the name changes I have so far seen suggested. If Dr Goldberg is right about the connection between CFS, autism and ADD, and his name change is adopted, then we can dispense with "chronic fatigue" at last, and if misguided media person tries to call our illness "yuppie flu", we can tell them "NIDS to you!"

It was fun, the casting was good, the FX were appropriate most of the time, and had a lot of the spirit of the original, but as Iain noted, you can see the point at which Douglas Adams died. There were Hollywood-pleasing additions to the the story that he wouldn't have approved of like inserting a plot device about a magic gun, and changing the ending so that the story didn't make sense. The extended Busby-Berkley opening musical number time could have been used for some of the plots and jokes they left out of the script. I could also see that Douglas Adams had to fight with the Americans about Zaphod's second head, and the parts of the script explaining the tea and towel gags were badly edited out so that the parts left in made no sense. The extra plots and characters were badly realized as well. As far as I could tell, the woman working with the Vogons was just there to make sure there was an extra female presence in the film, so it wouldn't be "too blokey". After going to all the trouble of casting Brits for British roles, they force them to say "Zee", because the American market has already complained about foreigners ruining their English. If you've never heard the radio series, read the books or seen the TV series, you'll have a fun ride, but you won't understand what was supposed to have happened, and you certainly won't understand why there's a cult following.

technical difficulties

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Somehow iiNet's little upgrade interacted with some unguessable error in Moveabletype, creating some strange 5 meg temporary files, which were big enough to fill my 30 meg disk quota. Because the quota was full, I couldn't use my blog.

I've installed the latest version of MT to try and solve this. iiNet have been no help at all.
I basically have only 10 meg in which to post before the blog is full again. So I have to move the blog. I'm thinking changing ISPs is the way to go.

Some people counsel running the software on my own PC and then uploading to a website. I'm looking into it. I'll still need more than 30 meg of webspace.

Lock out!

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23-4-05 iiNet have a faulty disk quota script which says I'm using 30 meg of the 30 meg web space they give me for $50/month with my 512K/s ADSL. As a result, I can't enter new blog posts. In reality, a simple "du -ks" on the directory mirror on my computer shows I'm using 14 meg of disk space. This post is an attempt to hack an update message. iiNet have offically gone past their use-by date. Too expensive, and the service is lousy. I've made two calls to their phone line, and two emails. The last phone call recognized the problem, will escalate to their tech staff. Thats nice, but as someone who has worked in computer support myself, I know that the least they could have done was temporarily increase my quota until the problem is fixed. Instead, they've left me trying to hack into a service I've paid for. 18-4-05 My ISP, iiNet upgraded their servers earlier this week at exactly the same time I was experimenting with internet telephony software to talk with Andrew in Victoria. In fact Telstra also decided to have a planned outage, so I was given the illusion of having broken the system. I lost my PPP connection and even ADSL. For the rest of the week, I have been unable to log into MoveableType to post on the blog. I finally had time and health to troubleshoot it, and discovered that all the permissions on my web files had been changed, and that this was stopping the images, the CSS files, the javascript, and much else from working. Then I just had to find an FTP program whose CHMOD commands would actually be accepted by iiNet to fix the permissions. WS_FTP finally did the job. I still wasn't able to log in using the basic mt.cgi from my browser, although the images were visible. I ran MT-Blacklist, my comment spam destroyer, and it works. It has a menu item to "return to blog". I clicked on that, and "hey presto!" I've tunneled back into my own blog. Bizarre.
Occasional Coarse Language I saw this independent film when it was released in 1998 and really enjoyed it. There's a full movie review from SBS's The Movie Show. Unusually for me, what stood out the most was the soundtrack. I've been looking for it since. I rented the movie a few years ago, and I was reminded that I wanted the soundtrack. I searched the net, and there wasn't even a list of the tracks, much less an actual sountrack for sale. Every now and again I've remembered to do a perfuntionary serach online for the music as I google surf. The other weekend, I searched and found This interview with the Producer/Director/Writer Brad Hayward Some place in New Zealand had a copy for $30 plus shipping. Yech. Then I found a link to a familar sounding place Ten Seconds Down who had TWO copies of the CD at $7.95, and when I checked the address, sure enough, they are just a ten minute walk from my flat. So I'm now a very pleased owner of a second-hand CD. I made sure to tell the owner that I used his website to find him. The CD comes with a witty insert that is full of in-jokes from the film. The reverse is a flow-chart of everything refernced in the film with a challenge to find the one item that isn't. Here's a blurry picture from my camera (too big to scan): Automatic had a music video with scenes from the movie with Elvis Costello's "Pump It Up" that worked well, and I've never seen since. My favourite track at the moment is Spiderbait's "Calypso".

Mule Intelligence

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Mule Intelligence by Ian Woolf and Peter Eisler

The meeting opened with Graham Stone showing us the latest completely
unsolicited strange magazine sent to him, "Harsh Mistress", NOT a S & M
bondage magazine but a science fiction story journal, now called
"Absolute Magnitude" to avoid ambiguity.

The night's topic of "machine intelligence" was not seen as straight
forward by some of the attendees, as other science fiction fans might
have expected. The definition of the word "machine" was hotly debated.
One of our members declared that unless a device did useful and
valuable mechanical work, it was not a "machine". This was taken up by
another member who solemnly made the point that therefore a computer
was not a "machine". He further declared that we should therefore be
careful not to include any computer based entities as "machine
intelligence".

When Greg Egan's "Permutation City" was raised as a perfect example of
sentience in computers, he rejected this because the computer was only
simulating "intelligence", although he admitted he'd never read the
book. He then completely demolished any future hope of "machine
intelligence" by defining "intelligence" only to be applicable to
entities that can move. He pointed out that this also ruled out
computer based consciousness. Amazingly the definition was further
narrowed by restricting the definition of "machines" to inorganic
materials. Plastic and wood could only be used for "machines" if they
were dead first.

From there the definition of ""life" itself came into question.
It was asserted that the fundamental test of possession of life,
itself, was the capability to reproduce. Mules were ruled to be dead,
except for the one in a million who was not a mule and able to
reproduce.

Gently moving the topic back to "machine intelligences" in science
fiction, Robert Heinlein's method of arousing sentience in computers in
"Time Enough for Love" arose. Heinlein suggested that with very large,
fast and complex computers, if you spoke to them and were nice to them,
they would one day "wake up". However, it was ruled by someone who had
read Roger Penrose's "Emperor's New Mind" that computers can't contain
"intelligence" because they don't move. It was further ruled that they
would become intelligent if legs were attached and they became robots.
Androids were raised at this point, and were shouted down with cries of
"organics!", until a lone voice protested "but android just means
shaped-like-a-man!". A great silence fell. Vernor Vinge's "A Fire Upon
The Deep"'s `Blight' was mentioned as an example of a "machine
intelligence" in a computer. This was rejected because computers don't
move. It was given special dispensation, however due to its habit of
implanting radio modems in people's heads to control them, despite the
fact that the people were live organics converted to androids.

Members would admit that authors had somehow still managed to write
about "machine intelligence". Books on the topic discussed were:

Great Sky River by Gregory Benford
My Name is Legion by Roger Zelazny
True Names by Vernor Vinge
The Turing Option by Marvin Minsky and Harry Harrison
Queen of Angels by Greg Bear
Cybernetic Samuri by Victor Milan
The Hacker and the Ants by Rudy Rucker
Software by Rudy Rucker Wetware by Rudy Rucker
Isaac Asimov's Robot stories
Code of the Lifemaker by James P. Hogan
Permutation City by Greg Egan
Illuminatus! By Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea
Synners by Pat Cadigan
Time Enough for Love by Robert Heinlein
We can Build You by Phillip K. Dick
Watchbird by Phillip K. Dick
Answer by Frederic Brown
The Warlock in Spite of himself by Christopher Stasheff
Extro by Alfred Bester
Berserker by Fred Saberhagen
Bolo by Keith Laumer
Rim a novel of artificial intelligence by A. Besher
Neuromancer by William Gibson
Epilogue by Poul Anderson
Hyperion by Dan Simmons
Consider Phlebus Iain M. Banks
The Player of Games by Iain M. Banks
Use of Weapons by Iain M. Banks

Whipping bunnies

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Whipping bunnies by Ian Woolf and Peter Eisler

"If not chocolate, life around here is astonishingly like lamington."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

The meeting opened with the news that John Brunner, E. Whitemoore,
Pierre Barbet and Michael Ende ended and that Greg Egan didn't win a
Hugo. Harlan Ellison will be at the Power House Museum in February;
questions about the ransom will be asked.

Graham Stone showed us an article written by Jadwiga Jarvis in the
Australian Bookcollector October 1995 issue, page 24. Graham was very
proud of the description Jarvis gave of his character and values.
Graham also showed us a copy of the Canberra Science Fiction Society
Inc. newsletter he'd read, which he described as being one of those
magazines read only by those who put it together.

"Our second-hand culture may be dull, and anxious to remain dull, but
the implosions and exhalations of radical change are seldom contained
for long by the strictures of rule-book efficiency experts."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

Brian Wall explained that the Dallas Option had been taken by the
makers of the new movie Aliens 4, to loud sounds of derision from all.

Ian revealed that "The Sydney Morning Herald" reported on Elvish
interference with road building in Iceland. Roadworks were stopped when
large stones that were said to be the homes of local Elves were
reached. A medium was brought in to negotiate with the Elves, and
permission was granted to move the stones, as long as no explosives
were used. In a world-first, the Elves condescended to be interviewed
through the agent of the medium on Iceland radio. Ian described an
Icelandic survey which showed that 10% of Icelandic folk believed in
Elves, 10% denied their existence, and 80% refused to say, in case the
Elves were listening. A cultural comparison was drawn to the New
Zealand belief in the mystic powers of the All-Blacks.

"If a son asks for bread, the odds are high indeed that his father will
give him a stone (or a lamington)."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

More on mules was discussed, as it has been one of the enduring threads
of Futurian discussion. Ian reported that only one mule couple has
reproduced successfully in all of recorded history; as reported in
Strange Magazine 1988. This was because, while horses have 24
chromosomes, and donkeys have 22 chromosomes, mules have only 23
chromosomes - of course. This is not sufficient to produce a viable
offspring by current understanding of genetics; an even number is
required. Gary then expounded on his theories of cross-species mating.
He revealed intimate knowledge of attempted experiments between apes
and humans. He explained that closely related species could mate in
such a way that one species' chromosomes were recessive. After such a
hybrid was born, it would look like an ordinary ape. When another
adventurous human tried rishathra, the offspring could be a human.
These genetic combinations may explain certain nightclubs frequented by
some of our members. This may also explain parthenogenesis in certain
lizards, claimed Gary. They may have bred with the other-species lizard
next door, thus attaining sufficient chromosomes to continue to
reproduce without male assistance. Gary tried too illustrate his theory
with drawings and a flashing red light. Further speculation was deemed
unsafe.

"Australian science fiction? Yes indeed. Warm-blooded, clawed and
billed, it hatches and suckles its young, glides daringly from
eucalyptus trees...Alas it carries a Qantas ticket in its pouch."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

Forking kangaroo genitalia once again raised their heads. An episode of
Quantum seen by three of our members had depicted koalas being milked
for semen. A close-up clearly revealed the pronged nature of their
genitals. This led to the confirmation of the bifurcated genitals of
marsupial, and by extrapolation to kangaroos. Graham then fondly
reminisced about the times he had watched kangaroos mating, and had
never seen any evidence of forked penises. However, he had observed
that they had curves like a teapot, which he mused may have functioned
to get around the obstacle of the tail. Thus continued the
long-standing debate.

Ron Clarke idly pondered aloud the topic for next months meeting, and
was surprised to be met with overwhelming cries of "TREES!".

Ian announced the arrival of living fridge magnets on the market.
Graham then suggested that this idea could be extended to venus
flytraps, and then proceeded to lecture Ian on the topic, until Ian
explained that he had cultivated carnivorous plants for ten years and
had a few hundred at home.

The OzCon memory book was hawked to raise money to recover debts from
the last convention. Looking at the photos from a couple of decades
ago, it became obvious that Eric Lindsay has the secret of eternal
youth and Ron Clarke doesn't.

Brian Wall showed us Exposure magazine and Nexus magazine, both of
which had as cover stories the Fake Moon Landing. Peter added that the
Weekly World News had covered the same story recently. Eric opined that
this was all the result of the movie "Capricorn One". Ian explained
that the hoax was to cover up the real moon landing. This led to
discussion of pyramids on Mars and whether they kept razor blades
sharp. It was suggested that pyramidal razor sharpening was responsible
for the ancient Egyptian fashion of fake beards. All eyes turned to
Peter.

Gary recommended the "Bloomsbury Good Reading Guide to Science Fiction
and Fantasy" by the strangely named Zool. It was pointed out that the
author had a minor role in Ghostbusters. The entry for L.Ron Hubbard's
work had everybody in stitches. He suggested the Futurians should put
together a similar guide to Australian content. Thus the topic of
Images of Australia in Science Fiction literature was begun.

"Australian science fiction? Sometimes the flow is blocked; sometimes
it runs uphill to greener pastures; sometimes it gurgles into the sand
and leaves little trace."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

First up, George Turner was mentioned, his latest book is "Genetic
Soldier" but nobody had read his books so nobody knows how he depicts
Australia. Cordwainer Smith (alias Paul Linebarger, author of the
military textbook "Psychological Warfare" and advisor to President
Kennedy) depicted Australia invaded by a Chinese Empire after seeding a
colony world with Old North Australian culture and becoming rich from
an immortality drug manufactured from giant sick sheep, and protected
by psychic mad minks.

"Mutant Message Down Under" was murmured by many people but nobody knew
what it was about or who wrote it. Gabriel Lord's "Salt" was mentioned
but nobody had read it.

Richard Lupoff's "Space War Blues" features Aboriginal spacemen
genetically tailored to survive in vacuum. "The Exromantine War" by
Gary's High School History teacher described a future where a plague
had made reproduction by placental animals impossible. Scientists
develop a marsupial male human who is irresistible to women - of
course.

Jonathon Swift's "Gulliver's Travels" included coordinates for Lilliput
that places it in the Nullabor Plain. Robert Heinlein in the Roads Must
Roll features an Australian ambassador who is depicted as a white
racist. John Wyndham's "The Chrysalids" mentions New Zealand as a
mutant haven. The Futurians were becoming desperate for literary
references.

Greg Egan in "Quarantine" depicts a New Hong Kong colony being set up
in the Northern Territory, and an East Coast where everybody is black,
with artificial aid if necessary. In "Permutation City", Sydney is
still pocked with great gaping holes from incomplete construction
projects in the 21st century.

A. Bertram Chandler in his "Rim Worlds" novels features a Melbourne
Port Authority that is the central spaceport on Earth, and a galaxy
full of place names taken from Australian and British suburbs, such as
the Empire of Waverly.

Zeitgeist, a collection of Australian science fiction stories selected
by Damien Broderick; was agreed to be an example of awful Australian
science fiction published in 1977. The collection includes a story by
G. M Glaskin about ferocious man-eating sheep called "The Inheritors".

Fred Astaire played a nuclear physicist at the end of the world in a
movie set in Melbourne, based on the novel "On the Beach" by Nevil
Shute. This led us inevitably to Australia as depicted in science
fiction films.

"We all press our mouths to the grease-nipple; for us, pity and terror
are newly shaped, and can benefit from new means of expression."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

"The Quiet Earth", a New Zealand post-apocalyptic film about immortal
survivors of the explosion of the sun. "Mad Max" and its sequels
feature a post-apocalyptic petrol-hungry Australia. "Salute to the
Jugger" is an post-apocalyptic movie depicting an Australia obsessed
with gladiatorial ball-games. "The Time Guardian" depicted a
time-travelling city that spent some time in Australia.

"Tank Girl" once again featured marsupial males who were irresistible
to women for reasons we'd rather not go into again. "Tank girl" exists
as both a post-apocalyptic British comic series and an American film
adaption.

"...(the scent of a primer, after all, is the early morning promise of
a bright moon)..."
-- Damien Broderick 1977
(or as the Americans later translated these words "I love the smell of
napalm in the morning.")

"Stark" by Ben Elton exists both as a novel and a television
adaptation. It is set in present-day Australia, with conspiracies by
wealthy West-Australian businessmen. Apparently "The Amtrack Wars"
mention Australia in passing in the books but not the video adaptation.
A Japanese empire looks down on Australians because of our distance
from their holy island.

"One last lamington as envoi."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

It was noted that there is much juvenile Australian science fiction
around, particularly in TV series. Patricia Wrightson's "Nargun and the
stars" has been adapted to a TV series. "Andra" was compulsory viewing
in some high schools in the 1980's.

"The sf writer's job is to startle and amaze his readers by whipping
unexpected - but not gratuitous - bunnies out of the hat."
-- Damien Broderick 1977

Length is important

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Length is important by Ian Woolf and Peter Eisler


The meeting started with a discusssion of how to get people back
into reading science fiction rather than just looking at it, and
a demand to know why Ron had muted our mule when editing the
title of our last article. Ron suggested a magazine with short
stories and novellas and having the main story written for
instance in the Star Trek universe. At this point, David read us
chapter and verse on the lineage of Novels, Novellas and
Novellettes (not knowing as we do that they mean Mr, Mrs and Miss
in esperanto). The argument that length was important was
winning, until German and Italian Romantics came into the
picture.

Basenji-adoptee Gary was ambushed every time he tried to open his
mouth to contribute to the discussion, so he passed around
photocopies of his Basenji. This quieted everyone as they
tried to understand why they were looking at this carefully
folded bit of paper and passing it along, with the exception
of the few members who had attended the Other Dimensions meeting,
who laughed out loud.

Susan explained that Absolute Magnitude (nee Harsh Mistress)
should be a Jenny Craig weight loss magazine. Mark declared that
CJ Cherryh is huge. Graham again explained he is in
correspondance with a magazine collector who, if its a magazine,
collects it. Brian revealed that the original Director's Cut of
the Stallone movie "Judge Dredd" contained the Sex-shop scenes
cruelly cut from the present release.

Graham declared that he was not aware of any science
fiction stories relating to Trees. Members were amazed that he
had missed out on the Day of the Triffids, The Integral Trees,
The Word For World Is Forest, The Man In The Tree, and all the
other well know stories in the important Tree sub-genre. Ian
proposed that the meeting after next be on the topic of Trees in
science fiction.

Brian reported that the Vatican would no longer accept applicants
for the priesthood who were allergic to Christ. The Catholic
Church has abolished transubstantiation, once the only
present-day miracle still acknowledged by the modern Church. As a
result, people who suffer from allergic digestive ailments or
alcoholism are now barred from the priesthood as they are no
longer magically protected from the gluten in the bread by having
it miraculously turn into the flesh of Yeshua ben Yosef, and the
alcohol transforming into his blood. A story where a priest
genuinely finds human flesh and blood in his Chalice is being
held by Harlan Ellison for the next collection of his "Dangerous
Visions" series. Ransom has not been discussed. Gary explained
that St Petersburg was a nice setting for cannibalism as the
police had other fish to fry.

Locus science fiction magazine asked what books you would take on
a desert island. Peter suggested the complete works of Isaac
Asimov so that you could build a bridge to the mainland, or
barring that, a book on surviving on a desert island. Locus's
next question was which author you would bring with you. Many
suggestions were listed, from Asimov to Shakespeare. It was
pointed out that all of these people were dead. Peter pointed out
that this was a bonus, as dead authors ate less and could be used
for emergency rations. Death has not slowed the output of many
authors, it was noted that Asimov and Hubbard are still releasing
new books. Mark reported that posthumous collaboration of Isaac
Asimov and L Ron Hubbard could be expected. One of the other dead
authors listed was Anthony Trollope, which Mark found to be a
strange choice for Locus. Peter pointed out that trollops were
always welcome on a desert island.

Pictures from the Roswell Incident film were passed around,
and the absence of certain physical features on the "female
alien cadaver" prompted some profound questions. (Not, "why do
little blue midgets hit me with fish?")
Susan immediately asked the deep evolutionary physiological
question; why do men have nipples? A discussion of lactating men
followed. This led to the discovery that the Rosswell alien, like
Adam, may have been of immaculate conception.

Discussing the topic was then discussed. The fact that the topic
of the rise and fall of civilsations - "The Long Night" was
altered by editor Ron in the Futurian #10 to refer erroneously to
Galactic Empires. It was reluctantly agreed that stories about
Earth were allowed. However, it was universally agreed that bad
post-apocolypse stories should be ignored.

Books disscussed:

Runestaff by Michael Moorcock
Post-apocolyptic Mask wearing Masonic Londoners hurt people.

A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller jnr
Civilisation is nutured by monks during a post-nuclear holocaust
who rediscover electricity.

Empire of the Atom by A E Van Vogt
Post-nuclear civilsation run by secret mutants.

World of Tiers series by Phillip Jose Farmer
A man who isn't who he thought he was explores the Worlds of
Tiers left from the fall of the Lord's civilisation.

Future History series by Robert Heinlein
Lazarus Long keeps living through the rise and fall and rise of
civilisation.

Eon and Eternity by Greg Bear
An asteroid city from the far future intervenes in the fall of civilsation.

Foundation series by Isaac Asimov
A social scientist predicts the fall of galactic civilsation and
sets up some Foundations to make it only a Short Night.

The Long Night by Poul Anderson
The Polesotechnic League of merchant princes flowers and fades to
be succeeded by the Terran Empire which in turn succombs to
decadence, espionage and butlers until it also falls.

Stand on Zanzibar by John Brunner
Over-population and advanced drugs contribute to the world going to
hell except for one small nation, so they find out why.

Stone that Never Came Down by John Brunner
Civilisation starts to fall until a method of changing human
behaviour is spread by dissadents.

Rim World series by A Bertram Chandler
An Galactic civilisation arises on the Rim of the Galaxy where
the Laws of men and nature are spread thin, in the ashes of a
previous Galactic Empire.

Norstrilia series by Cordwainer Smith
Civilsation rises and falls and rises changing the nature of man
and beast such that we have more in common with the animals of
the future than with the new humans and their sick sheep.

Marching Morons by Cyril Kornbluth
Honest John solves the Moron problem for future geniuses.

Lord of Light by Roger Zelazney
After the fall of Earth, technology makes the Hindu religion the
True religion.

Galactic Empires edited by Brian Aldiss
Short stories about Galactic Empires.

Space Opera edited by Brian Aldiss
Short stories of Space Operas.

Nightfall by Isaac Asimov
Night falls and civilisation ends once again.

Blood by Michael Moorcock
Engineers drilling into the Ultimate Nature of Reality make a
mistake, and civilisation and Reality decline.

Stainless Steel Rat series by Harry Harrison
A thief is set to catch less clever criminals for the latest
esperanto Galactic government.

Book of the New Sun by Gene Wolfe
Freelance executioner wanders through the ruins of Earth.

Blakes 7
The future of the Star Trek universe, after the fall?

Dying Earth series by Jack Vance
In the Last Days bored Sorcerors and thieves battle and time
travel.

Armageddon 2419 by Nolan
Buck Rogers sleeps through the fall and rise of galactic
civilisation.

The Time Machine by HG Wells
Man travels through time observing.

Waterworld
Mad Max with gills.

The Giants series by James P. Hogan
Ancient human civilisation rises and destroys itself, leaving
evidence on the moon.

Monkey Planet by Pierre Boulle
Monkeys take over the planet.

The Practice Effect by David Brin
Civilisation falls and rises as a new physical law is unleashed.

Flux and Anchor series by Jack L. Chalker
Civilisation changes as Physical law becomes subject to those
with the stronger will.

Chronicles of Morgain by CJ Cherryh
A gate-closing swordswoman and friend use a vortex.

Planet of No Return series by Harry Harisson
Duo contact worlds lost in the last Fall of civilisation.

Dune series by Frank Herbert
Galactic Empire of drug-addicts arises after an anti-computer
dark ages.

Cthulhu Mythhos cycle by HP Lovecraft
The Old Ones dream us in their Long Night - our nightmare begins
when they awaken.

Pern series by Anne Macaffrey
Dragon-based economy develops after a world is shunned by the
Galactic civilisation.

Ringworld by Larry Niven
Civilsation falls after a superconductor-eating plague on the
Ringworld.

The Mote in Gods Eye by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
Sex-addicted alien civilisation rises and falls due to
overpopulation.

The Warlock series by Christopher Stasheff
Democratic rebels escape despotic galactic government to set up
feudal society.

General series by SM Stirling and David Drake
Computer-assisted General conquers a helpless world left from
fall of a Galactic empire.

Spider World series by Colin Wilson
Giant spiders enlave humanity.

Battlefield Earth by L Ron Hubbard
Psychos stripmine Earth.

Lest Darkness Fall by L. Sprague De Camp
Time-traveler to ancient Rome modernizes it.

Bolo series by Keith Laumer
Giant tanks fight wars

Also mentioned but not read by us:

Last and First Men by Olaf Stapledon

War of the Air by HG Wells

Amtrack Wars by Patrick Tilley

Space Viking by H Beam Piper

The Pelbar cycle by PO Williams

City by Clifford Simak

Against a Dark Background by Iain M. Banks
Not a Culture novel

Hainish series by Ursula K LeGuin

The Stone God Awakens by Phillip Jose Farmer

Hyperion cantos by Dan Simmons

The Inquisitor series by S Suchartil

She by CS Forester


People attending the meeting:

Graham Stone
Eric Lindsay
Gary Dalrymple
Peter Eisler
Susan Smith
Mark Phillips
Brian Walls
Wayne Turner
Brett Clegg
David Ritchie
Duncan Smith (no relation)
Ian Woolf
Kevin Dillon
Ron Clarke

Treed by Russell

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Treed by Russell by Ian Woolf and Peter "Kar" Eisler

The meeting opened with science fiction related news from everyone
around the table. Ian related a technical report published on the
World Wide Web called "Fun with Grapes". You must cut white seedless
grapes in half, put them flat side down on a microwave-safe plate, and
put into a microwave oven on high temperature for 20 seconds. Ian then
described the results and encouraged the members to further
experiments. Ron claimed that peas reacted in a similar manner.
However independent scientific tests disproved this completely. The
speedy aging of wine in microwave ovens was mentioned by Mark. Ian also
reports that Urigeller has sunk to a new low by appearing in bendy
spoon Yoghurt ads.

New Scientist reports on a proposed experiment to test for parallel
universes. It was generally agreed that the experiment should
definitely be performed, and that Schroedinger's Quantum Veterinary
clinic should then be opened. This led to discussion of the escape of
the calicivirus rabbit killing virus in Australia ; to which the
Commonwealth Government reaction is to a consider deliberate release so
they don't look so dumb. There were also reports of evolutionary
atavism in the laboratory - scientists are inducing throwbacks to
earlier body parts in experimental animals. Star Wars fans and
Creationists are believed to be at large in the population. The Gnomes,
Elves and Little Men's Chowder and Marching society was discussed.

As a follow up to the Icelandic Elf survey, Peter reported that a US
survey shows that 2 out of 3 people in the USA believe in Satan, while
1 in 3 believe they have been personally tempted by Satan. Among the
works that people believe Satan has been personally responsible for
are: the Oklahoma city bombing, the spread of pornography, and the rise
of Gay rights.

Peter stole Mark's thunder by reporting that Galaxy bookshop had a
surprize dawn raid by Alan Dean Foster, who then autographed all his
books. This prompted the riddle: "How do you know when Alan Dean Foster
has broken into your home? All your books have been signed!" Peter
further noted "You've got to worry when you find that your Bible has
been autographed."

Brian Walls Reported that Ozcon was coming up. There will be a dinner
for Harlan Ellison somewhere between 4 -7 January 1996 organized by the
Powerhouse museum and Dymoks during writers week in first week of
January. Brian reported upcoming Infinitas bookshop SF meeting. The
Sydney Morning Herald had a "Horror Ditmar" headline. The movie "Island
of Lost Souls" features a whip from Australia - no bunnies, but banned
for sex scenes. He also mentioned an HG wells movie called "Unknown"
featuring an armless knife thrower with Lon Chaney. British copyright
has been extended to now cover 70 years after an author's death, as
opposed to the old limit of fifty years.

Graham Stone reported of Sirius zine "If I write for it, it must be
good.", the price is now up to $7.95. Peter calculated that Graham's
contribution would cost you 70 cents. A new magazine he'd been sent was
Body Dabbler - Australian Crime fiction. Graham noticed that the
previous meeting featured a "Mysterious Nexus appearance" claimed to be
owned by Nobody.

Ron declared "Come to the Lugarno meeting - its mostly women, Brad is
the only regular male in attendance."

The Melbourne 24 hours SF movie marathon was warned to be planned to be
on Saturday 9th December, by now you have missed it. Rocky Horror has a
Summer bikini theme the week before, you missed that one also, it was
very good. However Xmas Rocky will be held on the 22nd December, but
you'll probably have missed that one too. You missed Macquariecon also,
which was announced at the meeting. (You ARE getting slow!)

Gary reports Roswell Alien autopsy film features Basenji-style injury,
however Gary refused to reveal publically if the Basenji yodel. Private
revelations on the matter have been supressed in the name of good
taste. Entertainment Tonight said that Fox rabbitted on about their
own Roswell tape for sale. Fox had Will Riker doing his Orson Wells
impressions for the voice-overs.

"Roots, trunks and leaves - thats a tree." Tonight's topic was opened
by noting the contribution trees had made to science fiction in the
form of paper. A moment of silence was held.

Brian Walls had a flash that he'd read Alien Earth by Edmund Hamilton.
A Westerner goes to a Vietnam village and takes a wonder drug that
slows his metabolism so that he see trees as revolting monsters.

Ron extended his muting from mules to trees by announcing the end of
the meeting just as Peter was about to read his carefully prepared
speech. Some of these references are from that speech.

The Saliva Tree by Brian Aldiss - at the end of time a giant tree
grows to the moon, all that survives on Earth are plants and a few
people. Nobody was able to explain the saliva reference.

Genocides by Thomas Disch - aliens sow seeds on Earth, trees grow
uncontrollably destroying civilisation as we know it. Aliens clean out
all of humanity except root dwellers. Who then die during the harvest.
An uplifting book.

Destiny Doll by Clifford Simak - conifer grid shoots encoded nuts at things.

Broken worlds by Poul Anderson features worlds in a black hole with
people living on heat-engine trees "screw your way into space".

Alan Dean Foster wrote and probably signed Midworld - A Human
ex-commonwealth forest world where the forest alters humans
genetically. Also Green Thieves - daring exploits of criminal trees.

The Stone God Awakens by Phillip Jose Farmer- man sleeps, man wakes,
man fights big tree.

Copernicus Rebellion by Leo Frankowski features tree hosues and
mosquito larvae that eat iron.

Millenium Tree by Kevin ODonnel Jnr features teleporting sentient cacti
in a religious war. Far galaxy picks up human DNA in radio broadcast
and reassembles them onto super massive trees living on asteroids with
atomic drives providing light and thrust.

Seeds from Space by Lawrence Manning (1935) may have inspired Trffids
playboy parasite nonentity gets hit by seeds that grow into intelligent
mobile trees NOT called Russell.

Planet Entity by Clarke Ashton Smith, - vine like plant on Mars decides
to "Branch out" to Earth.

Seeds of the Dust by Raymond Z Galoon - Earth is cold, human
descenbdants bug out to Venus, until Martian trees stop them.

Legion of Space by Jack Williamson -- band shot down and land on a
giant log, monstor amoeba on other end pursues them in the worlds
slowest chase scene. This scene was described to the meeting for longer
than the actual events in the book.

Beyond this Horizon by Robert Heinlein - General Sherman Tree (sequoia)
is head of subversives.

Branch lines by James Blish has crystal vibes in tree for FTL
communication.

Son of Tree by Jack Vance - carnivorous agave tree God

Xenocide by Orson Scott Card - aliens kill child and plant a tree in
her corpse to be friendly.

The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin - Hainish tree novel

The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham - slapping good tree yarn

Relic of Empire by Larry Niven - genetically engineered trees save the
day.

West of Eden by Harry Harrison smart dinosaurs live in tree cities

The Bride and the Beast by Ed Wood featured a headline "110 000 Chinese
living in trees."

(movie Terminator Tree ruled out as too silly)

Process by A E Van Vogt intelligent trees cope with human intrusions.

Douglas Adams Hitchhikers Guide series featured leaves as currency,
trees as military bases (potentially), and a sentient bowl of
petunias.

Krugg syndrome by A. McAllister - man is convinced he is the spearhead
of alien invasion of trees.

Spider World by Colin Wilson - alien tree topples human civilsation and
replaces it with spiders.

Earthgrip by Harry Turtledove - Sherlockian logic solves dying tree mystery

Garbage Chronicles by Brian Herbert features mobile vegetable
intelligences

Shade of the Tree by Piers Anthony - naughty tree upsets woman

Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury - Tree celebrates Halloween

Tree houses to superSEED buildings?

The Man Who Awoke (1933)by Lawrence Manning, Forest dwellers in the
future.

Pirates of venus. by Edgar Rice Burroughs features more forest dwellers
in the future.

Integral Trees by Larry Niven - even more tree dweller in the future

Protector by Larry Niven - Tree of Life provides aliens with yams.

World of Null-A by A.E Van Vogt - non-Aristotlian detective dwells in
trees in the future.

Hothouse by Brian Aldiss - tree dwellers in the future, too.

Deathworld by Harry Harrison features killer trees among forest dweller
in the future.

In other worlds by A. Attanasio features intelligent trees who draw
people through black holes to dwell in them in the future

Houses of Iszm by Jack Vance - secret of forest dwelling carefully
suppressed in the future.

Mother by Phillip Jose Farmer - man dwells inside sessile maternal tree
in the future

Lord of the Trees by Phillip Jose Farmer - Tarzan dwells in trees in
the present.

Genesis by Yahweh Elohim - Indian Giver gardner demonstrates the
violence inherent in the system when the fruits of the Tree of
Knowledge are consumed. He takes back the Tree of Life to prevent
equality, and maintain his authoritarian regime. Thus condemning the
descendants to dwell in trees in the future.

Next months topic will be "Probabilities and their breakdown".


[January 1996]
Scratch the Giant Carrot by Ian Woolf and Peter Eisler

The meeting opened with Ron Clarke explaining to Eric Lindsay why food
couldn't be sex. Graham Stone regaled us with the latest chapter in his
continuing battle with Jadwiga Jarvis in the Australian Bookcollector,
the latest article was titled "Book Arts My Arse". Ian and Eric brought
food for the end-of-year Food meeting, as everyone had been asked to at
the last meeting by Ron. Nobody else remembered. [Except for Peter, who
couldn't be bothered.]

Eric announced that Harlan Ellison will be appearing at the Powerhouse
Museum on the 5th, 6th, and 7th of January 1996. [You've already missed
this]. To quote from the flyer:

"Harlan Ellison. [What sort of sentence is this?] As a writer, he has
won more Hugo Awards (7 1/2) than anyone. [HALF??? Wasn't that
particular story popular enough for a whole Hugo Award?] As a
screenwriter his name is synonymous with the original [Harlan
Ellison's:] STAR TREK,[Harlan Ellison's:] OUTER LIMITS, and new [Harlan
Ellison's:]TWILIGHT ZONE. Currently Creative Consultant on BABYLON 5
[the only SF TV show with pockets], his world now encompasses the
realms of computer games [ours has encompassed them for years]
(Cyberdream's I HAVE NO MOUTH, AND I MUST SCREAM), and comics (HARLAN
ELLISON'S DREAM CORRIDOR). As Tom Snyder said on the NBC TOMORROW show
[ which no doubt all of you watched]: "An amazing talent; meeting him
is an incredible experience."

We would have gone if they had instead used the quote below:

`"The Last Dangerous Visions" may be the most promising of all (it is
promised for 1980, as it has been annually for the past half-dozen
years)... Largely through his own efforts he has become
controversial... In the past decade Ellison has made increasingly
vocal efforts to detach himself both from fandom and from science
fiction.'
-- James Gunn, 1979

Eric promoted DUFF, MAF - a one way trip across the Sargasso Sea, but
not MUFF. The SF World Con will be making a move to "take back
territory for hard sf." Or at least the closest hill. "People go for
size." Because it is important. "Hopefully gamers will have their own
convention. [We're aware of at least six that were held last year.].
Eric then commented that "there are only a few hard science fiction
writers", to which Gary Dalrymple replied "if only we can get them to
breed."

Ian next reported on the success of the MacquarieCon Role Playing Game
Convention, which was echoed by the five gamers at the meeting. Marc
Ortlieb's Bullsheet used the Futurian to keep tabs on the whereabouts
of one Kevin Dillon. [Hi Marc!] Kevin was amused.

Digital Equipment Corporation have published technical reports on the
World Wide Web detailing their discovery of Light Emitting Vegetable
Diodes. They found that if they stuck electrodes in a pickle and turned
up the curent, the pickle glowed. Inspired by this, further DEC
engineers tried the experiment on some Kim Chee which Gary explained
was fermented Korean coleslaw. The Kim Chee didn't glow very much,
however an oscilloscope trace revealed it was performing as a
rectifier, turning the AC into DC. Thus paving the way for new McGuyver
episodes. This in turn inspired the Twinkies Project, inwhich the
American cream cake was subjected to rigorous testing, and reporting on
the internet. The Twinkies were subjected to Solubility, Gravitational,
Radiation, Rapid Oxidation, and finally a Turing test. The Turing test
was last so that they wouldn't feel bad about doing the destructive
experiments if the Twinkies proved to be sentient. Gary explained that
Basenji regard the word "twinkles" as an instruction to ur Ian related
that further tests have shown conclusively that despite Ron's claims at
the previous meetings, peas do not behave as spectacularly in
microwaves as grapes do. It has also been found that red grapes do not
display the same behaviour after being microwaved on high.

Gary informed us that Kevin Doughty is very active in the Conception
display at the Powerhouse. He also revealed [on topic] that Basenji eat
chocolate cake. With great dramatical flair, Gary read out the
following Doctor Who political tract:

"I want to bring fandom together. I want fans to be able to visit
anywhere or move anywhere and be sure in the knowledge taht there'll be
a friendly group of Doctor Who fans, who meet often, not far away. I
want fandm to be fun again. Competition is good but co-operation is
better. Clubs will always compete in merchandise but I'm sure we can
work together in other areas. Remember, the fans are always the most
important. Perhaps, one day, the clubs will join together to organise
that 'round Australia tour that John Pertwee has always wanted. The
first step must be taken now.
Neil

Nuzing in ze vurld, can ztop me now...

I've just finished reading the NA Pencil-Case and it really doesn't
stand up against the AF NA Lamp-Post. Thanks to the uproar over the new
Universal Doctor Who Theme Park..."
-- Editorials, Data Extract, Doctor Who Club of Australia

Members of the Doctor Who Club of Australia like to be known as Whoons.

Gary opened the meeting with a tasty description of the movie
"Greenslime", in which an alien algae gets killed by kamikaze
astronauts sponsered by Campbells [who, no doubt, will sue us for
mentioning them, when its really Gary Dalrymple's fault]. This reminded
people of a movie called "The Stuff" [not, to our knowledge related to
the guarana-enriched nectar of the same name] in which killer tofutti
takes over your brain, bubbles out of the ground, and wanders around
the fridge at night. Next came "Soylent Green", which several people
simultaneously, and loudly declared was different to the original Harry
Harrison story "Make Room, Make Room!". Gary then reminded us of the
Doctor Who episodes featuring maggot corgis with greenslime yachting up
the Amazon looking for mushrooms.

Ron then brought up H.G. Well's "Food of The Gods", which prompted a
remark about `Scratch the giant carrot' that nobody understood, and a
New Twilight Zone episode plagiarised by Ellison [synonomously, no
doubt] from `Food of the Gods' featuring dead giant animals. This
reminded Gary of the Japanese mushroom people movie. Which Gary then
enacted for our amusement.

Graham Stone then raised John Wyndham's "Puffball Menace", "Survivor"
and "The Day of the Triffids", wherein Triffids were cultivated for
their edible oil and ground up and fed to blind people. This led to the
novel "Year of the Angry Rabbit" by Russell Braddon, and the movie of
it, "Night of the Lepus". Rabbits terrorize the countryside and eat
people.

This led to the Big Bunny Goodies episode, featuring rabbits that
travel to the moon, and Bill Oddie eating the British Prime Minister.

The Space Merchants by Frederick Pohl featured harmless addictive
alkaloids and cultured meat. An article in a recent issue of New
Scientist disussed a new kilojoule-free oil-substitute that the FDA is
considering. The only safety problems are the fact that it leaches
vitamins out of food you';ve already eaten, and also cancer-preventing
chemicals out of fruit. People eating the oil-substitute found that
when it passed through their bodies undigested, they suffered the
problem of leakage.

Several people remembered the concept of "steakeasies", but none of us
could remember which stories featured the idea or who wrote them.
However we all wanted to visit one.

L. Sprague De Camp's "Hyperpilosity" features a wnder-food that has the
small side effect of covering the consumer with long fur. In John
Christopher's "Death of Grass", all grain crops die.

Peter at this point declared that everybody would now hear his words
before they left rather than after, as happened last month - the rude
bastards. "Bordered in Black" by Larry Niven is about a world of oceans
covered in edible algae, and the continents bordered in black.
"Lucifer's Hammer" was about some well-organised cannibals. "Soft
Weapon" had a carnivorous alien telepath being tortured by a human
vividly remembering eating a carrot.

Norman Spinrad's "Men in the jungle" had a cannibal society that was
well-organised. In "Snow Crash" by Neal Stephenson, Pizza deliveries
are run by organised criminals. In "Only Forward" by Michael Marshall
Smith, had badly organised criminal cannibals, who forced the hero to
wait forever in Pancakes at the Movies. This reminded Gary of the
"cloned foreskin over St Peter's dome basilika", but he wouldn't tell
us why. Peter however was reminded of "Dad's Nuke" by M. Laidlaw, where
Christians had kept Christ's foreskin, cloned it, and were using it as
their sacrament.

This reminded Graham of the milk-giving Shmoo in Li'l Abner, although
nobody else could see the connection. Ian then suggested that this was
like Norman Lindsay's "Magic Pudding", who loudly insisted on his
crminal owners eating from him on an organised basis. Frederic Brown's
"Last Vampires" features two vampires who travelled forward in time to
a period inhabited by giant carrots, and starved. Douglas Adam's
Hitchiker's series featured Bistromatics, the Nutromatic machine, the
universe extrapolated from a piece of fairy bread, a space drive based
on a strong cup of tea, and the cow that not only wanted to be eaten,
but was able to say so. In John W. Campbell's "Who Goes There?",
organised people are converted to aliens by eating them.

Michael Coney's "Cat Karina", in which society believed it was
vegetarian, but wasn't. Phillip K. Dick's "Cheery Gum" in which a
happiness drug with no physiological side-effects destroys society when
chewed. "Holy Quarrel" in which aliens invade Earth via Gumball machines. In
"Counter-clock world" backwards-living people consume tubes of hot and
cold sorghum. harry Harrison's "Star Smashers of the Galaxy Rangers"
features a spacedrive based on cheese. Robert Rankin's "Armageddon"
trilogy features Elvis time travelling due to a Brussel Sprout called
Barry. Peter then shut up, before anyone could leave.

Ian hauled out his list. Frank Herbert's "Dune" series revolved around
spicey worms. Larry Niven in "Their Assimilating Our Culture" has
astronauts who innocently consent to tissue samples horrified to find
their cloned selves in gourmet butcheries. In "Table Manners" humans
must learn to feast with predators inspired by sushimi. "What can you
say about Chocolate Covered Manhole Covers?" features aliens using
pick-up lines as a filter for highly intelligent people to abduct.
Piers Anthony's "Prostho Plus" is about a dentist abducted by aliens.
John Brunner's "The Stone That Never Came Down" is about food that
changes human nature. Orson Scott Card wrote a story about a man who
saves a human colony by persuading aliens to organise to eat them a bit
at a time. In Damon Knight's "To Serve Man" a great punchline is used
that we won't reveal. In "Raturava's Case" by Phillip K. Dick, humans
undergoing near-death are soothed by formless aliens who feed them
religious images. Unfortunately, this involves formless aliens being
given form by being eaten by a structured God, rather than the
Christian ideal of formed humans eating a formless God to take on a
Divine nature. They don't enjoy themselves.

It was decided that June's topic (being mid-winter) shall be Santa
Claus in science fiction.

The Topic That Never Was, or Possessed by J Morrow
by Ian Woolf and Peter Eisler

The meeting opened with Graham Stone reporting that despite the
physical absence of Kevin Dillon, nine adults met at Seven Hills. Also
that the Southern crowd will be meeting on Sunday (you missed it). Jack
Finney and Don Pendleton died. Eric Lindsay pushed the Worldcon in
Australia in 1999 bid yet again. The three main choices open to voters
will be Zagreb, Australia, and Las Vegas (pushed by the Chicago mob
against the will of the Las Vegas members). Eric then dumped several
hundred "Worldcon in Australia in '99" onto the table for the nine
adults present to collect.

Terry Pratchett's heavy schedule was outlined by Kevin and Peter,
alternating locations and times, completely unrehearsed. Apparently he
appeared at Galaxy bookshop, Dymoks bookshop, the NSW State Library,
and Cancon. Eric revealed that there is a Bureau that keeps lists of
writers and organises with venues for displaying them (ASIO?).

"You can't be too cynical about Australian writers", opined Eric,
complaining about the troubles with the local SF writing scene. "If it
hasn't got a dragon or a unicorn on the cover it won't sell." Eric went
on to report that most science fiction titles sell only 2000 copies in
Australia, which deters publishers from spending money. However Qantas
can be persuaded to bump up the class.

Harlan Ellison's visit went well, except that Peter admitted to
insulting Harlan with pedantry. In revenge Harlan harrassed Leigh
Blackmore. A newspaper article was shown reporting the discovery of
several new planets, one of which was calculated to have a surface
temperature of 80 degrees Celcius. The writer pointed out that this makes
liquid water possible, and made much of the idea that this makes
life as we know it possible. However the planet in question is a giant
like Jupiter, so liquid water is unlikely. There was some small
discussion of the fact that it was becoming trendy to feature Leonardo
Da Vinci in SF novels, despite the fact that he's dead.

Eric forged his press pass in an elaborate scam to gain free gifts at
Comdex. Free gifts from various marketers still cross the Pacific in
hopes of wooing Eric's gilded pen. In Las Vegas Eric bought some chips
and was given a free night and meal at the hotel as a result. The next
day someone else cashed them in, and that night they bought the same
amount of chips, and continued the cycle.

Uri Geller, when not making yoghurt ads, now has his own World Wide Web
site, as falsely promoted in the Sydney Morning Herald. The article
reported that Geller had a million dollar psychic challenge open to
denizens of the internet. The basis of the challenge was reported to be
spoon locked in a safe in Geller's house, complete with camera focussed
on it and reporting to the web page. When the spoon bent, the people
connected at that time would be gathered to Geller's house for further
tests. The winner (as determined by Geller) would then get the million
dollars and succeed Uri Geller's lofty position. On investigation, Ian
disovered that Geller is still searching for a sponsor to provide the
million dollars; and the safe, and the camera, and the spoon. Sounds bent to
us. His page contains only a brief explanation of the challenge, and a
series of well laid out advertisements for his consulting business. The
Futurians came up with a better test which will be implemented after
the interactive Basenjis site is activated.

New Scientist had further elf sightings on the cloudtops. The IgNoble
awards were given out by the Annals Of Improbable Research for 1995.
Here is a complete list of the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizewinners:

NUTRITION John Martinez of J. Martinez & Company in
Atlanta, for Luak Coffee, the world's most expensive
coffee, which is made from coffee beans ingested and
excreted by the luak (aka, the palm civet), a bobcat-like
animal native to Indonesia.

PHYSICS D.M.R. Georget, R. Parker, and A.C. Smith, of the
Institute of Food Research, Norwich, England, for their
rigorous analysis of soggy breakfast cereal, published in
the report entitled 'A Study of the Effects of Water
Content on the Compaction Behaviour of Breakfast Cereal
Flakes." [Published in the research journal "Powder
Technology," November, 1994, vol. 81, no. 2, pp. 189-96.]

ECONOMICS Awarded jointly to Nick Leeson and his superiors
at Barings Bank and to Robert Citron of Orange County,
California, for using the calculus of derivatives to
demonstrate that every financial institution has its
limits.

MEDICINE Marcia E. Buebel, David S. Shannahoff-Khalsa, and
Michael R. Boyle, for their invigorating study entitled
"The Effects of Unilateral Forced Nostril Breathing on
Cognition." [Published in "International Journal of
Neuroscience," vol. 57, 1991, pp. 239-249.]

LITERATURE David B. Busch and James R. Starling, of
Madison Wisconsin, for their deeply penetrating research
report, "Rectal foreign bodies: Case Reports and a
Comprehensive Review of the World's Literature." The
citations include reports of, among other items: seven
light bulbs; a knife sharpener; two flashlights; a wire
spring; a snuff box; an oil can with potato stopper;
eleven different forms of fruits, vegetables and other
foodstuffs; a jeweler's saw; a frozen pig's tail; a tin
cup; a beer glass; and one patient's remarkable ensemble
collection consisting of spectacles, a suitcase key, a
tobacco pouch and a magazine. [Published in the medical
journal "Surgery," September 1986, pp. 512-519.]

PEACE The Taiwan National Parliament, for demonstrating
that politicians gain more by punching, kicking and
gouging each other than by waging war against other
nations.

PSYCHOLOGY Shigeru Watanabe, Junko Sakamoto, and Masumi
Wakita, of Keio University, for their success in training
pigeons to discriminate between the paintings of Picasso
and those of Monet. [Their report, entitled "Pigeons'
Discrimination of Paintings by Monet and Picasso," was
published in "Journal of the Experimental Analysis of
Behavior," vol. 63, 1995, pp. 165-174.]

PUBLIC HEALTH Martha Kold Bakkevig of Sintef Unimed in
Trondheim, Norway, and Ruth Nielson of the Technical
University of Denmark, for their exhaustive study, "Impact
of Wet Underwear on Thermoregulatory Responses and Thermal
Comfort in the Cold." [Published in "Ergonomics," vol 37,
no. 8, Aug. 1994 , pp. 1375- 89.]

DENTISTRY Robert H. Beaumont, of Shore View, Minnesota,
for his incisive study "Patient Preference for Waxed or
Unwaxed Dental Floss." [Published in the research journal
"Journal of Periodontology," vol. 61, no. 2, Feb. 1990,
pp. 123-5. ]


CHEMISTRY Bijan Pakzad of Beverly Hills, for creating DNA
Cologne and DNA Perfume, neither of which contain
deoxyribonucleic acid, and both of which come in a triple
helix bottle.

(This data is taken from http://www.improb.com/projects/igs95-winners.html
Up-to-the-minute news about the Ig Nobel Prizes and about the Annals of
Improbable Research can be obtained by sending e-mail to:
INFO@IMPROB.COM)

Eric elaborated on an AIR article on Rectal Foreign Bodies. The
story one patient gave was that he'd heard a burglar outside, so he had
stood on the sink to look outside, and had slipped, falling backwards
upon the champagne bottle. The doctor asked what had happened to his
trousers. This reminded Graham of a story from (yes!) the 1930's,
called "The thousand deaths of Mr Small", in which Mr Small bashes his
child, falls onto a coal scuttle, the handle of which, becoming a
rectal foreign body, kills him.

The creation of antimatter hydrogen atoms was also reported in the
newspapers. Brian reported on the new German SF series screening on SBS
called "Stella Stellaris" which he hadn't seen. Peter and Ian reported
that it seemed to be about an alien blonde whose secret ability was to
make clothes disappear. The Infinitas bookshop runs SF meetings with no
name on the 1st or 2nd thursday of the month. Brian went on to relate
his almost adventures at the Cinestore, a movie script shop. He began
to regale us with tales of not meeting Sama Hung, and finding an Oliver
Stone script of Bester's "The Demolished Man". However Graham felt the
need to expostulate. "Can I just interrupt the flow of rhetoric?", he
asked rhetorically. He then proceeded to answer his own question by
plowing forward. Brian then continued informing us about the "Island of
Doctor Moreau". Apparently Marlon Brando has chosen to perform his role
in full Kabuki makeup. The director has gone Feral. Val Kilmer also
wanted to dress in kabuki makeup but but had to settle for looking like
a racoon. "Independence day" is a film script about the invasion of
America by aliens. There was loud cheering from the Futurians. A film
titled "Men In Black" is in the works (don't tell anybody). "Strange
Days", and "12 Monkeys" are to be released this year, and he also saw
Michael Crichton's forthcoming film about an amusement park where the
controlling computer system breaks down and the exhibits kill people.
This time its called "Twister".

At this point in the evening, fireworks were observed out the windows
over Darling Harbour. We rushed to the windows to watch. Gary turned
out the lights and the fireworks stopped. He turned them on again and
the fireworks obediently started up again. He was told "do that again".
So he did. the fireworks obeyed again. At this point we got bored and
returned to the discussion. The newspapers had reported that if you
wore red/green glasses the fireworks would appear 3-D. We noted the red
and green fireworks, but everything out the windows appeared 3-D that
night, so it must have been a generalized effect.

Brian also saw the "Aliens VS Species" script. On the merchandising
front, the Johnny Mnemonic pinball game has appeared and was reviewed
by Mark Phillips. There is also an Area 51 video game. Area 51 is a US
Air Base that does not appear on civilian maps. In the game, you get to
shoot US troops.

Mark mentioned "Towing Jehovah" which led Peter to chant "J Morrow, J
Morrow, J Morrow", and to record this in his notepad for later study. He
then repressed the memory in best Freudian fashion, while Ian covered
by suggesting a cartoon of "The Unpleasant Profession of Jonathon
Hoek".

Garry reported that a magazine starting with "P" was showing a
gynacological tour of Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson). Peter claimed to
have a friend with a copy, and would borrow a copy for the next
meeting. Ron Clarke reported that Trek Australis was breaking up due to
debts, with the mailing list being part of the settlement.

In an unlikely turn of events tonights topic of "Probabilty and its
breakdown" was not discussed as the meeting ended at this point. After
careful consideration, the topic was determined to be more appropriate
for the next meeting.

Technological Singularity is a buzzword
by Ian Woolf and Peter Eisler


Kyla Ward, Peter and Dr David Bofinger the unbeliever were interviewed
about the highly successful and entertaining Sydcon Role Playing Game
Convention by Maynard, as featured recently on Foxtel in Australia, but
unfortunately nobody we know gets Foxtel, so nobody saw it.

Inventex Inventor's Exhibition will be on 22nd to 25th August 1996 at the
Sydney Showground, Hall No 3 contact (02) 810 6645 for moore details.
(don't miss that). The Australian Skeptics will be holding their annual
convention on September 21 and 22 at Monash University in Melbourne.

Reverend Doctor Garry Dalrymple then scared away a stray woman who nearly
made the mistake of unintentionally joining our meeting, to the regret of
the other members. He then gave a sermon on the subject of British
Israelites. Apparently many subjects of the British Empire felt that there
was no question that the British were God's Chosen. Therefore, with
inexorable logic, they decided that the British were in fact, the Biblical
lost twelfth tribe of Israel. Unfortunately for them, the lost twelfth
tribe has been discovered in Ethiopia, still practicing Judaism as it was
practiced at the time of King Solomon, and have been repatriated to
Israel, where they are known as the "Felasha". David revealed that at
present they are being bled at blood donor stations, but the blood is
being thrown away because they are at a higher risk of HIV. Apparently
this is intended to make them feel more like they are contributing to
society.

Daniel Jacobs opened the topic of Technological Singularities and
Future Shock with his personal interpretation of a technological
singularity based loosely on Frank Tipler's ideas of a point where a
cosmic omnipotent computer incorporating all the matter in the Universe
arises. This idea is explored in Tipler's "The Physics of
Immortality", Morovec's "Mind Children", Ed Regis' "Great Mambo Chicken
and The Transhuman Condition", Fred Pohl's "Gateway" series, and Greg
Bear's "Eon". In Dan Simmons' "Hyperion" a computer which makes
teleportation possible , borrows human brains during the brief moment
of transfer. Isaac Asimov's "Question", the multivac computer grows
through human history, until it becomes God in the process of answering
the question. In Frederic Brown's "Answer", a computer grows to
enormous size, and becomes God in the process of answering a question.

David violently disagreed with this definition of the topic, as did Ian.
However both Ian and David disagreed with each other, and David also
disagreed with himself. David defined a technological singularity as the
point where technological advance increased so rapidly that humans could
no longer cope with the influx of information. More inventions and
discoveries are made more quickly, until it is all happening at once, and
everything has been invented.

Ian mentioned a story called "Slow Tuesday Night" by R. A. Lafferty,
wherein people can have four or more intricate careers within an eight
hour period after having a mental block removed by "metasurgery". In
rebuttal, David quoted Vernor Vinge's prediction of ever increasing
returns, increasing in geometric progression of infinite steps. Graham
Stone declared that it would be a case of diminishing returns. Ignoring
this David emphasized that you couldn't have a story near the singularity
or at the singularity, because it was always an infinite number of steps
away. David emphasized this point in close to an infinite regression. Ian
then mentioned some of Vernor Vinge's stories which feature
post-Singularity humans. "Original Sin" features post-Singularity
humans evading capture by use of a tool that can cause an effect very
much like extremely bad luck.

Ian proposed a definition based on a related concept of geometrically
progressing technology and society, but with the Singularity being the
point at which human society changes so much that present-day humans
cannot imagine what they will be like. This was Ian's understanding of
what Vernor Vinge meant by the term. Cordwainer Smith's "Norstrilia"
series has humans so far changed from modern people, that we have more in
common with the animals of the time. Michael Moorcock's "Dancers at the
End of Time" features people with near omnipotence, whose emotions and
motivations are very alien to our own. In Iain M. Banks "Player of Games",
the machine intelligences are far above human intellects, and basically
have the same affection for them as humans do for their pets. In
"Brainchild" by David jay Brown, nanotechnology makes humans able to
change themselves and their environment to such a degree that the two
begin to merge. In Greg Egan's "Quarantine", humans learn to choose
between possibilities. Vernor Vinge's "A Fire Upon The Deep" has the
Galaxy layered in zones of different physical laws, which permit different
levels of intelligence. At the outermost zone, is the "Transcend" zone
where there are God-like beings. Faster-than-light travel is possible in
the "Beyond" zone, as are sentient computers, but not in the "Slowness"
which is where Earth is located. Further on into the centre of the galaxy
is the "Unthinking Depths" zone, where sentient life is impossible. An
information network very similar to the Internet's usenet is used by the
galactic civilisations to discuss a rogue "Transcend" entity called the
Blight. Roger Zelazny's "Lord of Light" and "Creatures of Light and
Darkness" features humans who have become Gods. Vernor Vinge's "True
Names" and "The Peace War" feature humans using computers as extensions of
their brains - actually thinking with the machines.

In Robert L. Forward's "Dragon's Egg" humans contact the inhabitants of
a neutron star. These practically two dimensional beings live much
faster than humans, and are more intelligent. They swiftly absorb human
knowledge and culture and progress beyond us . In Cyril M. Kornbluth's
"Marching Morons", the majority of people have no idea how the
technology they use works, and it is designed so that the Doctor's
"Little Black Bag" does ALL of the work. The meeting closed, all
members agreeing that they had enjoyed a singular experience.

New timeslot!

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The next Discovery science show will be broadcast on Thursday 21st April at 9am as we start our new Thursday 9am timeslot.

King Kong at Artarmon

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The original 1933 classic really delivers the special effects and beautiful stop-action animation characterisation. Kong has a clear personality and the dinosaurs are lovingly crafted in intimate detail. Better on a big screen than a small one, but very worth watching.

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